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Fez Miester
Fez Miester
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Tue, 12/09/2008 - 12:12

main point

When you don't fit anywhere? where do you go? <br />Your home country, is already known. It's a place that has certain good things and certain bad. it's comfortable - familure; but that's not enough. Once you've broken your shell, and you realize that the world is waiting for you, it's a big place with lots of posibilities. nothing is holding you back. Each and every place you go, will have certain advantages / disadvantages. There's no perfect place to live. there all fucked in one since or the other. It's a shame that. But I believe it's true at this point. I don't believe you move to Australia, and everything is just perfect. - because<br />THE FURTHER YOU RUN THE LESS YOU CAN HIDE. from yourself. you carry yourself with you everywhere you go. There's no doubt about that. So, what do you do with yourself? You work on yourself. You do personal growth. You have revilations, but the road is endless. You don't come to a point where everything is settled. it doesn't happen. Short of monistaries. where you goal is just to live, and not worry about what you don't have. hah<br />I made it to 25. I'm 25 now. It never seemed so real, always seemed far away. It's a joke now. I'm 25, time goes on anyway, We will die someday anyway. YOU WILL DIE. there's no escapeing this fact. What are we suposed to do with the mean time? enjoy yourself to the upmost? - Great simple answer. But flawed. theres' no simple way to do so. Your inner self will keep rearing it's head, it'll say, "I am incomepleat because of.. this. <br />so you follow this forever. It's a long road. no peace. no peace. no peace. <br /><br />the best questions don't have answers. they are just electric shocks that run through you and tingle because there is no answers. <br /><br />Some people say, "I want a family, and to live on an income, do my work and I'm happy". this is great, but I have never understood it. <br /><br />I am not sick of my relationsip. I am sick of Greece, the house I live in, the inviorment is killing me. I CAN'T WORK. It's not ALL my fault that I don't know any way of concentrating here on getting things done. I have done it before, I have done it well. Why never here? the dark rooms? the clastrophobic society? <br />I can't work anymore, this is a shame, this is also what is driving me crazy, because my energy really can't go into anything. I am not so artsy that I can put it all into guitar or painting or something, I get bored after awhile. <br /><br />travel forever? this is one answer I've looked at for a long time, a long time, there's no ecisive reason why not. - at least for enough years that it doesn't bother you anymore. You've got an idea of every major place and you are at peace with that part.<br /><br /> I was starting that, then I went sideways, I fell in love and let my emotions draw me into this situation. Gladdly. Its a good thing they did. I could have left it from the begening. but I would have missed A LOT of stuff, that was a great thing.<br /><br />I love Alexandra as my sister now. It's a family love, I'll always always love her. No doubt about that in my heart. The question is will this continue successfully as a romantic relationship. <br /><br />Why am I such a pesimist? sit down do what needs to be done, and move on to the next day. I have little desire to pull roots and draw out in a day or two. that is just to shocking for me. However if it happens ever, it will be like that, it's the only way it will work. otherwise you stay forever. <br /><br />It's a choice. choices define who we are. What we are. What we will be. Beliefs are more uncontrollable. You believe this is not working because of cercomestancial evidence. but this too will change. there's no certainty. <br /><br />I know that I won't love every again the same way exactly. it's a great and sad realization. I will never trust so much and throw myself into something so freely and willingly. I have what so so many people want it's unbelievable. <br /><br />But if I never love LIKE THIS, again. -- is it because I've failed? or because I will find something better? different? is first love the best? culturaly it's suposed to be... becuase you are the most inocent as you will ever be....

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